Bliss.
Sitting somewhere,anywhere, with no one to watch over, or even check on you. The naked loneliness, nothing to beat that.
To realise after a couple of solid hours that you have been at your best with yourself, and to be aware of the darkness looming around you. The trees coming at you, from all sides, their branches looking murderous at your daring to be in their midst, at this wee hour, when they ought to be just with themselves. You have tresspassed. But they draw back, your nonchalance troubles them. You got other things in your mind. You are in one dark corner of the big campus. Even the SIS guards did not know about the you lurking in the darkness! And the wi-fi advantage, yes, you are not totally alone – you have the internet world and specifically the youtube with you. And still playing the favourite song of the day, to somehow vent out the angst of the day, and just type away something, some random non – sense.
Yes, I am here, doing what some might call crazyness. Wandering, alone, but relishing in the lone time. Okay, I dint get the nirwana, but I dint go seeking that as well. I went seeking silence, where there will be no more pointing fingers, no more accusations, no more strange demands. Just a fragile mind, a needless worry, and some deep rooted gashes of pain. A time to cry out to the world that you are tired and weary of its strange fallacies. To decide its time to come out of the veil. Such moments of retrospection, that gives you relief and reprieve. I went in search for that.
And you get your moments, of laugh and lament. To be shooed away ( :( ) by the SIS guards because you decided to visit the rooftop of a building, which may well be the favourite suicide spot (?!) of students. But, hey, i came to live, not die! Laugh! And which is why, standing there, looking at the breathtaking beauty of the bougainvillea and trees happily surrounding the buildings, savouring in the comfort and the promise this sight offered me, happiness filled me, inspite of the crippling darkness inside. Clearly I am unhappy. I am angry at the world, for being unlike me, for getting the better side of the toss, for having a hope, and a future. Lament! But here, life gets the better off me. I go down the stairs, looking for another place, for a silent solace for the yelling mind. And i get it.
My hopes were indeed bursting at the seams. Sometimes disappearing. At others, taking an entirely new face that frightened me. The blemishes of a saddened mind. The scintillations for a better future tempting me. If only i had the courage. To cross the bridge. Take the u-turn. Courage, I realise, is all that matters. And thus, I go back. To where i belong. The world of people, that welcomes me back, with extended arms.
PS : Act of random crazyness exist. Life is all about the madness in you.
