My chest of fragrances...

I have a remembrance chest of fragrances. A beautiful l'l thingummie ,where i keep my memories, as having been related to fragrances, scents, aromas and every l'l thing of that kind.Like a tiny piece of mirror that reflects a part of you, my tiny bits of cherished memories, that i have collected over the years, right from my 'Tiny ToTs' days, till now. It was always there, pushed to the back of my mind, where i had kept it unhidden, but also unexplored, for such a long time. Today,when i hugged my friend telling her that she reminds me of my sister when she was a baby, coz of her new Gohnson's Baby Lotion, she laughed at me saying the scent was never that strong. But it was for me,and i bet there are a lot of people who can tell by the scent of things, or im sure there will be atleast one more person walking this earth, like me, who has got scents and memories so closely intertwined. But, then, i had read Anita Nair. She talks about how she cherished memories with fragrances in her book "Goodnight and Godbless", which was for a long time, my favourite bed time story book.


During my baby days, i believe it was the scent of my mother.I must have recognised her presence by that. But the first one tat i registered ever since i started having and preserving memories, is that of the 'agarbhati' that lingered in the pooja room by the time i get up and come out of my bed. And then,the smell of kitchen, the first morning scents of tea brewing and rice being made, that of ghee when amma made those special ghee roasts. My taste buds get tickled and excited with the memories of delicacies, of those delicious smells that emanated from amma's and ammumma's superb kitchen.


In a Pearl S Buck story, a woman remembers the love between her parents, while she is nursing her completely bedridden father, after her mother's death. There is a memory that she catches on as she watches her father murmering her mother's name in his sleep. Once when she was a kid, she came into her parents' bedroom to see her mom sitting on d bed, drooping and covering her face with a cloth. For a moment she thought her mom was crying, but then, her mom looked up, and pulled her close and hugged her. And when asked what she was doing, her mom said, that she was remembering the scent of her father, that cloth was her dad's jacket. Her dad had gone on war then. The daughter remembers how at that moment it felt so strange to her, so difficult, to understand her mom's emotion, which, now being a married woman herself, she can perfectly comprehend. And i was amazed at the beauty of that scene. The thought that then goes through the daughter's mind, who at present lives a marriage of convenience, is that, she could never have done the same with her husband's cloth. She realises that she never cherished the memory of his scent. That was the beauty of the concept. It was plain and simple. The scent of her husband, that her mother was trying to frame in her mind, reveals the intensity of love that they both shared. And the way the daughter thinks about how she can never do it, shows the lack of it in her marriage. Buck uses beautifully that powerful and intricate link scents hold to our emotions..


That was almost the same way i put fragrances in my remembrance chest. The scent of Cuticura powder which, twelve years down the line,still takes me back to my grand dad's room where i sat next to him listening to his stories with happiness and wonder in my eyes ..the Santoor soap, the neelibringadhi hair oil and the guruvayoor chandanam which made up for me, the scent of my grandma, then the scent of my mother, and my sister, starting from her baby days of gohnson's baby powder to her recent deoderent, my dad and his variety of perfumes each of which I recognise as his, which gives me a sense of being safe when I am near him,the scent of my close friends, which i recognise as they stay around me. The smell of popcorn that reminds me of the days of bunking and movie watching with dem. The scent of dosa and hot and spicy kadala curry at a Kayamkulam railway platform outlet, which reminds me of childhood days spent with every weekends, friday evenings and sunday nights in train travelling to and from on our visit to grand parents. And so many and so many.


Scents, powerful, intricate and capable of holding fond memories.I have got a chest full of them. And I thank God, for being able to hold on to them, thus capable of summoning memories and being at peace, knowing that life is all around me, behind, and forward, still loud and alive, thrilling and waiting to be explored.

"Love is in the air..."

love is in the air..
There is a line that Jamie says in 'A walk to remember', .."its like the wind, i cant see it..but i feel it..i feel wonder and beauty, joy, love..its everything.." It potrays one of the most beautiful romance that i have watched in a movie..and Jamie,a girl like her, with her simple 1st wish , to marry in the church where her mother married..its all so beautifully constructed..i know im talking like im giving a movie review..but, suddenly i cant help remembering it..and the beautiful song in it that i love..

"It's gonna be me baby
It's gonna be good baby

Time I have been patient for so long
How can I pretend to be so strong?
Who can I choose baby?
Feeling its true baby
If I’m asking you to hold me tight
then it’s gonna be all night

It’s gonna be Love
It’s gonna be great
It’s gonna be more then I can take
It’s gonna be free
It’s gonna be real
It’s gonna change everything I feel
It’s gonna be sad
It’s gonna be true
It’s gonna be me baby
It’s gonna be you baby
It’s gonna be...Its gonna be Love

Time can not rest our love to be fool
How can you pretend to be so cruel?
Maybe it’s me baby
Maybe it’s you baby
Maybe it’s everything we’ve been dreaming of
We waited long enough

Its gonna be Love
It’s gonna be great
It’s gonna be more then I can take
It’s gonna be free
It’s gonna be real
It’s gonna change everything I feel
It’s gonna be sad
It’s gonna be true
It’s gonna be your the one to do
It’s gonna be me baby
It’s gonna be you baby

The sooner you let two hearts beat together
The sooner you know this love is forever

It’s gonna be love

Love needs time now or never

Its gonna be love

You really got to believe
it’s gonna be strong enough

Its gonna be Love
It’s gonna be great
It’s gonna be more then I can take
It’s gonna be free
It’s gonna be real
It’s gonna change everything I feel
It’s gonna be sad
It’s gonna be true
It’s gonna be your the one to do
It’s gonna be hard
It’s gonna be stuff
It’s gonna be more then just enough
It’s gonna be LOVE

It’s gonna be Love

It’s gonna be sad
It’s gonna be true
It’s gonna be me baby
It’s gonna be you baby

It’s gonna be me baby
It’s gonna be you

It’s gonna be real

It’s gonna be love


by Mandy Morre and Wow..u gotta listen and see how beautifully its sung too..

okay, this is what happened. A young friend here today told us about his love. It was funny and great to see him talking about her.So young and in love.The way he is trying to find her, saying she is the only one. And to see another one madly in love, truly and madly in love...and to come back to my room and watch 'a walk to remember'...


There was this time when my heart never failed to miss a beat, when this guy walked past..and i sank in that..and it passed..then there was this another one,who came along, and my heart missed a beat again...but those were what you talked and laughed with your frens about, "silly pup crushes"...but the real one, i wonder, how will it be..when i will never recover that missed heart beat..i guess i will have to wait, for the real bug to bite..

Matrimony

A very close friend of mine,who is a Muslim,always worries about going into higher studies, coz , she says if she doesnt find her way soon, she is afraid that she'll be hurried into marrying someone and starting a family.Kudos to her attitude for that.The less urgent spirit of the rest of us haven't gotten us into taking the impending entrance test that serious yet.A week ago, I met my classmate, while we both were getting photocopies for the next day's university exam. She gave me a near heart-attack by declaring that her marriage has been fixed. She also gave me an on-the-spot invitation to her engagement next week. My first instinct thought was to ask, "How could do they do this to you??!!" ( I meant her parents), followed by a more sympathising (I just cudn't empathise!) "Im so sorry for you". From there i could've gone on like, "Cant you do anything about it?", or a "Who is this moron robbing you of all the happiness of your carefree days.." etc on and on. But I was stupid. And very charactersitically so! Because, I saw immediately that she was clearly happy. And then i thought about perspective. May be, it was like how they said about "the world appearing yellow to someone who looks on through a yellow glass paper"!!

My neighbour has a young daughter of around 3 years. She is such a l'l angel and all of us love her with much affection. She was recenlty taken to a nursery where , when she apparently 'misbehaved' ( read refusing to eat food properly and sleep when they instruct her to), the person who runs the nursery said, "Shouldn't she be l'l better behaved, after all she should go into another home when the time comes"!!. After that, her parents never send her there. This little piece caused a lot of laughter when the rest of us heard- she, after all, was a girl of three !!

When i was little, i used to swear to amma that i will not marry.I used to tell her, I 'll live with her, 'Happily ever after'. Amused, she would say, "Okay, that would be fun."

A while back, when my friend told me about his 'true love', i kept discussing with another friend about our own respective ideas of 'Mr.Right'. It was very amusing and even straining, because when you think, you have to think very hard to list all the qualities that ur "Mr.Right" will have! Coz, i had never really ruled out the possibility, but was skeptical coz, i think, sometimes, life offers only a few chances of getting to meet that one person. It would've been convenient if there really was a solution of something like "imprinting" (if u have read all of the twilight saga, you would know) as it saves a lot of hardships and troubles!

The first time my mother met my father, it was, what do you call when u see each others photographs first? "A photographic meet"?? It was just that. And then they meet at the engagement and everything was fixed by the elders. Ofcourse, the era being a little more progressed than the oldest, both of them got their say of 'yes or no' and which place you want to get married, which way etc etc. I marvel at my mother's courage back then. I always failed to see if at all any courage or sacrifice was made necessary on my father's part. It was she who had to transplant her life from her home to his. I picture her formulating plans in mind about how best to get in good terms with each of my father's family members, and his was a joint family family- so much more people to live with. Or maybe, it dint work that way. She might have never had to think it through, plan it. Things might have just fallen in place.She might have always been best friends with my father's people, now hers too, from the very beginning, as she is now. I 'll never know. And thus i marvel at the courage of my mother, and my grandmother and my great grandmother and generations of women before them, who makes part of my blood and flesh. But the very institution of marriage continues to make me wonder..and feel terrorised, may be..


There may not be any reason why i should be so worried. May be it is my concern about my friend. I wish her good luck, and a very happy life. And I do see that my mother never really had any damage by marrying my father. Except her occasional taunts about my father, which she makes in the form of complaints, about how she never really got a lot of choice coz she agreed to the first person who came to meet her, my father. And that always brings about a quiet smile in my dad's face, which is really handsome to look at. And then i think that it must have been an easy choice for her. Coz my dad was very handsome then,and he is still, even with his fair share of grey hair (which he refuses to dye , which i like). He had brilliant educational qualification and family. So, may be it was easy for her, even with all the risk involved..Or may be im being unnecessarily crazy. I 'll never know. Or maybe i will find out some day. But i hope i 'll meet my Mr.Right on that way!!

[CAUTION :- Any wayward or stray reader who has stumbled upon this page may skip the rest coz the article below is not worth ur precious time.It is posted in my near vain attempts to retain this blog.
But My friends, who r visiting under my sheer compulsion may read on, coz u r already used to my non chalant chattering, no harm will come from an extra dose ;)It might even come as a welcome change that u r reading now and not listening !!]

Right now, im supposed to be working on my seminar. But for some mysterious reasons
( read 'lazyness and a constant sense of irresponsibility') im online and doing a bit of orkutting and yahoo chat.For the record,i created this in the month of March 2008, when i thought i was on the verge of becoming a great writer,judging by the way my thought process was churning out (lol!!).As it turned out, the torrent was only a way of getting out of the boredome coz during that time, if i remember right, i had some exam to concentrate on.It is when i sit in front of text books that i realise i have a thousand other ways to pass the time.

If blogs had a life of their own, mine would have hated me sorely for such a life of sunken loneliness. Probably it would have told other blogs over their coffee time chat that he/she ( i havent figured out yet whether its a he/she.since it belongs to me, it would be she i suppose?)is survived by a lazy scum bag of a girl who signs in for nothing except to try out different palettes for the blog and see how it appears!!or to check out on other blogs and to disappear without posting a comment!

Anything dear to one would be special, right? Though, uncared for, i still feel close to my blog!So anybody who would tell me to just delete it if u wont write ,i wont listen.What amuses me most now is the name i gave it in the beginning. I think now that "Silent space" or "Lazyness Realm" would have been more appropriate.Kinda symbolic.But for the time being, let the name remain.Coz friends are messaging me asking about the seminar preparations.I had told them that im planning to complete the whole thing today ,but here im,blogging.So here i go,promising to come back again, coz in all probability, i will be working on the seminar tomorrow too!!

"THE END OF THE DAYS"-an appeal to d Uni.

coming to hav a l'l talk,der is one thing dt has got me worrying abt for d past one week-"d end of d days"!!not one of those intellectual, concerned-abt-d-wat will happen to our universe-talk for sure!! i am talking abt d end of my sem break. "d most loved-reverred-cherished-enjoyed-nd sometimes even sweared at for cause of boredom-sem break" has come to an end- yeah even before i knew it..!!a very sad note indeed..nd wat happens next??i face d proposal of having to go to college from d next day onwards..not a very looking-forward-to sorta idea..


nd now that i talk about it,i realise der have been a couple of good things abt sem break afterall.not dt i dint appreciate it at d beginning,d "end of d days" make it far more important dan it ever was!!


it is a "semester" break which cud be without wrong also called "study break":thus having enlightened my parents d very eve of d starting of d glorious days,i made myself on d safe side,wid an assured no "r u not supposed to open ur book this hols??" queries, no sighing-behind-my-back during d hours-on-end devotion to net,no restrictions for late night movie watching,no counting of hours wen u sleep round d clock,no raised eyebrows for kicking up excuses to always go out...!!,this is one hell of a holiday u r enjoying..!


However,v hav bin told of a sembreak for quite sometime now...nd since d curiosity cudn't b contained longer,everyone started a info-hunt on deir own abt d possible sem break.Unfortunately,wat v came up wasnt pretty exciting stuff, seniors dint help much too-many put it off as a regular rumour nd others havn't even heard abt it...other very helping seniors even tried to shake us off d idea by reminding dt this thing has never ever happened before in d uni-history..."optimistic to d core" s d approved attitude here at college, "to d extreme" wen it comes to holidays nd postponing of exams..


But all of us continue to hope..for the blessing to come..

empty empty...

im feeling a l'l let down by d profound subtleness tat echoes around here(u mit call it emptiness,but i tend to be more gentle,hey its my blog im talking abt,not urs!!)...yeah,very much understandable,considering if even u dont care abt ur blog,then whu wud??

blogging is not as easy as i thot (or wanted) it to be..coz d urge to write has to come naturally..as one of my writer friend says,"u cant will it to come"!!too true...!! nd der is also this another big trouble,coz der mit be a million different things u can write abt,of which it is most likely tat in 9 out of 10 cases , d "million minus one things" wud sound to be essentially sleep inducing for all those who read..so der u go!!wat can u possibly talk abt then???!

no idea..guess it will take time finding out..till then, its amateurist postin..

changing times

5 years back,wen i was in my school,i wudn't hav bin surprised if one of my frens came up nd said,"so its true dt u actually hav a set of parents!!this is d first time i 've seen them inside d school campus!!".Too true..But now dey attend all d pta meetings at my sis's school,which is wer i studied too..nd im sure if d old teachers wer all der, dey would hav been too taken aback by my folks presence..!!dey even find deir time to attend seminars conducted at school abt parenting!! worse still dey make it a point to come eagerly to my college,each time dey get d pta committee's invite card..!! wat the !!wat s happening to my parents !!

and this kept me thinking abt myself..could it be dat d way i hav grown up made them rethink abt deir own ways of parenting??hav i disappointed them too much???i hope not..